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[week 12?] kazuma

[At some point, Todomatsu realizes that since waking up dead he's been fairly successfully semi-consciously avoiding Kazuma. "Semi" consciously because it's not that he's made the decision to avoid the kid any more than he avoids anyone else, it just kind of happened that more often than not when Kazuma is around, Todomatsu has other places to be. And he's "fairly" successful because they still run into each other like all the time, there's not that many places to go in the deadlands, after all. He'd been inside his head, even (which the less said about that and his silly idol dreams the better), but otherwise he'd maintained his attitude of keeping cool with a side of sulking, because he's good at that.

In fact, he's doing that now, sat in the woods a ways from everyone else, because you can't just bother other people all the time, you need to give breaks so they don't get tired of you so quick. So that's what Kazuma comes across if he happens to be taking a walk this day, a Todomatsu huddled against a tree and attempting not to think about much of anything that's happened so far. Surely he can use a friendly(?) chat!]

letter

Despite precedence, touching the letter does not cause it to spontaneously combust. The (slightly squished) envelope just sits there, written in round, curly script.

If you're reading this, then we're parting ways. Hopefully it's for a good reason, like going home or whatever, but even if not... Well, especially if not, I thought I should say a few things. Or at least, it shouldn't hurt to be honest at this point, since no matter how it goes over, I'm gone! Hey, I never claimed to be brave, did I?

Anyway, I've known you since day one. And at first I just figured, here's someone loud enough to draw any unwanted attention. Then I found you were fun enough to be around, so that was a bonus. But at some point... I don't even know, I guess-- I mean, you've seen me at some pretty low points, and didn't give me more crap than I needed for it. Because this is a letter and not real life, I can say I really appreciate that.

I don't talk about home much because it's--well, it's embarrassing, among other things, but even though I'm definitely the least shitty of my brothers (and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!!), that just means being at the top of the shitty hell caste we're trapped in. Of course, we're not really trapped, we just haven't really tried to escape, not for real. But being around you, I feel like maybe I can, and I should try making that real effort to be the person I know I'm worthy of being.

It's weird, before coming here, I had a million acquaintances, but there's never been that many people I've felt close to, especially that I didn't share a womb with. And

...okay now this is just getting stupid and soppy so this is enough. How embarrassing! Just forget all the dumb parts, okay?

I know you'll be fine, but I'm rooting for you anyway.

[week 9][tuesday] grell

[Todomatsu has been hovering awkwardly in the garden for longer than he'd like to admit; he knows that Grell is there, doing...whatever--he's not watching her, that would be stalkery, he's just hiding in some nearby bushes which is completely different--and he knows that he's already made it this far, so he may as well rip off the bandage and finish what he came here for. ...Which is an awfully grim leadup to what is meant to be an apology! But admissions of guilt or wrongdoing are few and far-between in the Matsuno family, especially so when they're genuine, and the words keep sticking in his throat. Additionally, his feet keep sticking to the ground whenever he thinks back to the secrets broadcast the previous day, since being a professional(? hobby? does it matter?) serial killer seems kind of like a big deal?

...At the same time, being stuck in this place where 20 (and counting!) people have been murdered, the relative deal size of a couple kills don't seem as significant. It hadn't been a big enough deal to make him stop feeling (ugh) guilty, anyway. Plus, it's not even Thursday yet. Right. He can do this.

He steps out from his oh-so-clever hiding spot (since surely no one noticed a bright pink hoodie through any of the foliage) and walks closer to Grell, making plenty of noise along the way since at this point, no one on the ship really appreciates surprises.]

Uh--hey! ...I mean, how's it going?

[great open, you smooth talker, you]

[week 8] jessie

[Todomatsu barely makes it twelve hours after the trial before worry overrides giving people space, so when he doesn't see Jessie at breakfast on Monday, he heads over to her room straightaway. Since he can certainly empathize after that trial, though he would've been over to check in even if he didn't owe her one (or a few).]

Hey, wakey-wakey, it's me. Let me in, okay?

[Man, he sure hopes she's actually home. Not that he won't run around the ship looking for her, but he likes to limit the desperate searching to Fridays if he can help it]

[week 7] arumat

[So. That weekend sure was a thing.

Taking stock: Two good men were dead, one of them an older brother cut down in front of his sibling's eyes. After an extended trial where he'd helped contribute to getting an innocent man executed, the true killer (who he'd believed in even after telling himself not to believe anymore) turned out to be some alien parasite who seriously hurt a bunch of other people including a good friend by turning its body into stabby things(!) and then things got weird, what with the axing and the turning into demons and the Rhys thing and the AI getting angry--

Now, compartmentalizing is great, definitely recommend, but something like this is too big for Todomatsu to handle on his own. Not after the stress of the days and weeks before; not in this room, too cold and lonely and wrong even before the scratching started behind the walls.

And so it comes to pass that Todomatsu finds himself knocking on Arumat's door at some obscene hour, since-- Most importantly, since he's pretty sure Arumat will be awake to answer. He hopes. His rapping is quick, nervous; his voice a hiss that who knows if it even makes it though the door.]

H-hey! Are you there?